Why Life Keeps Changing and What It’s Doing to You
Life doesn’t change at random. Each shift—planned, unplanned, or unexpected—quietly changes who you are. Over time, those changes make you stronger, clearer, and more prepared for what comes next.
Some people are happy or satisfied with the way their lives are, but most of us aren't. We want change, and some of us would change a lot of things in our lives, while others would change only a few things. There are three ways our lives can change.
The first way is when something happens to us. This is when something or someone outside of our control changes something about our lives. Or maybe someone we're close to makes a change in their own life that affects us.
The second is something we plan for and try to change. This is the most dangerous type because when we bend our will to something and try to manipulate the situation too much, we might get what we want, but it could be the wrong thing for us. And the third way is when we make a change spontaneously without planning it, simply because we feel strongly that we should.
So what is the purpose of our lives changing? And what is really happening when our lives change? The answer to the first question is simple.
When we have a change in our lives, it changes who we are. A small change will change us a small amount, and a big change will change us a lot. But this change doesn't happen immediately.
Gradually, through living with these new circumstances, we change. And we usually can't see any difference until later when we look back at ourselves in the past. So the changes change who we are a little bit at a time.
But when it's said like this, it sounds like a change happens and then we shift like we're being blown in the wind. But it's the other way around. The purpose of our lives changing is to alter who we are.
So now we have to ask the question: Why do we need to change who we are? And the answer is that we benefit from it. We benefit from becoming different.
Because not only is who we've become slightly different, but it's also a little better than we were before. And this is not dependent on whether the change in our lives is positive or negative. We still benefit either way.
But why? Well, being different makes us feel different, and when we feel different, we act differently. This means that we will make different choices and different decisions.
But not only different, but better choices and better decisions. And the main reason for this is that when we change, we become stronger. Mentally and emotionally, we are more capable of dealing with situations.
And of course, this leads to feeling and being more confident. And when we are more confident going into something, we make better decisions and choices because we can think more clearly. This also leads us to not make the same mistakes we've made before and to not fall into the same traps as we have done previously.
So our lives change and we change, and this pattern repeats again and again until we are very different from the people we were at the beginning. But not only that, these changes are making us stronger for the next thing and the next thing, so that we are always able to deal with what is coming up. And in this way, we can trust that the future is something we are ready for.
A quiet note.
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Why the Hard Things Might Be the Right Things
Insights into conscious living practices and how it can shape your perspective. Discover how these ideas can support your conscious living practices in everyday life.
In our lives, we are put into many different kinds of situations at work, at home, or in public. Sometimes, situations in our lives feel out of our control, and no matter what we do, we can't change what is happening. And because we can't predict what is going to happen, we try to intervene and change what we can clearly see will be a bad end result for us.
But the more we try, the more helpless we feel. But this is not a failure. What we are trying to do is to change the eventual result to what we want to happen instead of accepting what is happening.
And of course, it's difficult to accept what is happening because it's not what we want. And this is a common mistake. To think that what we want to happen or, more accurately, the good thing that we want to happen is the best thing for us.
And of course, sometimes it's true, but why would it always be true that we know what the best thing or the best result is? Life is full of stories of people enduring hardship and then trying and trying and coming through it to be successful. So how can we say that the bad things that happened to them weren't the best thing for them?
Of course, at the time, it must have felt to them like it was the wrong thing, but looking at the big picture, it was the right thing because it led them to their ultimate goal. But they are not the anomaly. We are the same as them, except that their circumstances were extreme (extremely difficult and then extremely rewarding), and usually, our circumstances are less extreme.
So, in terms of our long-term goal, which I'm sure you'd agree, in its simplest form is to be "happy," then what we should do is not only deal with how things are or how they have turned out. But also to acknowledge that the way things are is the best way. For now.
But this isn't so easy when you're not happy about your situation and you can't see an end to it. Naturally, the speed that life changes for most people, most of the time, isn't quick at all, so we can be stuck in an undesirable situation for months or even years. So, to keep trusting that what is happening is the best thing and to keep that hope that it will change in the future takes a lot of willpower.
But the more often we notice when a situation that we weren't happy about becomes a situation that we are happy about, the more evidence we'll have to trust that the next difficult situation we're in will eventually turn out fine. Thinking this way is how we rebuild who we are as people. Who we are is made up of how we view the world, how we interact with the world, and how we react to the things that happen to us.
If we are reacting with confidence based on our past experiences, then we are, on one level, showing different characteristics. Another set of circumstances that we sometimes find ourselves in are those situations where we can't think clearly. This doesn't necessarily have to be a high-stress situation or one with a lot of pressure; it can be any sort of everyday situation we find ourselves in, even shopping at the supermarket.
When these things happen to us, the simplest things become difficult, and we struggle to complete the task we are doing. But when this confusion happens, it's important that we first recognize that it's happening. And then, knowing that we can't do anything about it at the moment, all we have to do is wait for it to be over.
This type of experience is not our fault. We didn't choose to be confused or to not think clearly. It's just a thing that is happening.
When Life Changes Who You Are, For the Better
Insights into self-awareness practices and how it can shape your perspective. Discover how these ideas can support your self-awareness practices in everyday life.
One theme in my life that has always plagued me is injustice. When I was a kid, I can remember many occasions when I was accused of something that I didn't do, and it always fell into two categories. One was that it looked like I was guilty, and I didn't speak up because I felt like people wouldn't believe me.
And the other was when my intentions were misunderstood, and I couldn't make the adults understand why I had done something. And because of this, I'm always trying to be careful not to do the same thing with my own kids. But they are similar ages, so they have arguments and different things happen, and I sometimes jump to conclusions, and I can see the same face on them that I had years ago.
Disbelief at the injustice of it all. So that leads me to one important point, which is seeing or missing the truth in a situation. In the last ten years, I've been able to see more clearly the role that I'm playing in a situation because I'm not lying to myself about what my motives are.
And because I can see myself more clearly and objectively, it's easier to see what is really happening. The problem, however, is what to do with this new perspective. If I see that I'm being selfish, for example, then I can't continue to act that way, so it changes what I will do next.
If I see that I am saying something to someone in order to get my own way, then I can't just keep going with it. And I've caught myself and corrected my actions again and again, and that has changed who I am and how I interact with the people around me. And that brings me to telling people the truth.
I always thought that I just wasn't good at confrontation, but now I can see that telling people the truth about themselves to their face isn't the best thing to do. I'm never able to tell people the truth about themselves, even when I really want to. But there is a good reason for this.
And that's my motivation for doing it. Why do I want to tell them their faults or why they're wrong? Of course, the answer is because I want to change them.
I want them to be different or to behave differently. But me telling them will never have the outcome that I'm trying to achieve. Also, it's just not good for me to bring someone down and attack them, even if they do it to me.
But for all of the insight and clarity I have, I'm still what I would call optimistically naive. I want to believe the best about people, and I want to believe that good things will happen for me. I want to think that people are honest in all their dealings with me and that they don't have selfish motives.
And because of this, I often feel let down by people. But that's on me. I lied to myself.
And if the promise of good things doesn't work out, then all I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off, and carry on.