How to Recognize Real Progress in Your Life

We all want to feel like our lives are moving forward and to see that we are progressing in our situations. But what does progress look like, and how do we know if we are moving forward? One of the problems here is that we all have preconceived ideas about what these things will translate to in our lives.

So if we don't get the progress we want exactly in the area of our lives that we want it in, then we feel like we are not moving forward and, more importantly, that our lives are not improving. But before we talk about progress, let's take a step back and look at how we can measure where our lives are at. And to do that, we need to ask ourselves what situations we are having.

And to do this properly, we should first break our lives into the three main areas, which are family, work, and our personal lives. So in each of these areas right now, are we having good situations or bad situations? And where are we getting the most trouble from?

Even if it's just an annoyance, which part of our lives is it coming from? And in these areas, are there particular people who are continually causing that trouble? Or is it just that we have feelings of anxiety and worry in these areas or that a situation we are in is very difficult right now?

Once we have identified what is wrong and which area it is in, we can track it. Usually, these kinds of things are out of our control, so we can't do anything to change them. But it's important to follow how or if they develop.

We should also look at what kinds of situations are repeating. This is a sure sign that there is something not quite right in our lives. Often, things that repeat need our attention.

We need to ask ourselves if there is something we need to do differently or if there is something we need to change so that it doesn't repeat again. So those are the kinds of situations we are having in our lives, but we also mustn't overlook what is working well for us. These are the things we have in our lives that don't need to change and the things that give us stability.

We should acknowledge these too. Next, we should ask ourselves for each of the three areas what we don't have or what we would like more of in our lives. If we know this, then we can see if anything happens that brings us closer to these things.

So now we are ready to ask the question about progress. And it's important to use the right timeline here. We aren't measuring our progress in hours and days; we should be using weeks and years to see the big picture of change in our lives.

So what does progress look like, and are we getting it in our lives? Of course, the answer is yes, so how do we recognize it? If we can see that a part of our lives is easier now compared to the recent past or that situations that used to go horribly wrong only go slightly wrong now, then this is good progress.

But the biggest indicator of progress is that an area of our lives will feel lighter than it was before. And when we look back at it in the past, it will seem like it was more stressful. And I don't mean that our situations are necessarily easier now because they might still be difficult, but what is different is that they feel better and more positive.

One of the problems with seeing our progress clearly is that as soon as we move forward and changes happen, we are often hit immediately by other problems. These problems could even be in another area of our lives, but what happens is that they distract us from our progress and also detract from it because we can't enjoy it as much. So feeling like our lives are the same and haven't moved on usually translates as we haven't got the changes we wanted yet.

But what we got instead were changes in the areas that needed to change, while we look forward to the ones that we think should change next.

If you would like to understand more about how to recognize what your life is showing you as it unfolds, you can begin by learning how to notice the patterns already present.

The Responsibility of Living Your Life Well

In our lives, we have many responsibilities that we need to attend to, and most of these are usually in the areas of family and work. However, there is another area of responsibility that acts as an umbrella over everything else – the responsibility we have to live our lives in the best way possible. This responsibility can be broken down into smaller responsibilities that require our continued attention throughout the day.

So let's examine these responsibilities and discuss what we should be doing about them to give our lives the respect they deserve. The first one is to take notice and observe what our lives are showing us. The clues about what we should or could be doing are always present, and the meaning of what we are going through is not concealed.

This means we can't simply go on autopilot, bouncing from one thing to the next every day. Life may get busy at times, but we mustn't get caught up in it. We need to be aware of the changes and developments happening around us and within us as we go through each day.

These changes may be small, but we need to be sensitive to them. It's our lives, and every detail of them should matter to us. Even the slightest change in our situations is a significant event.

The next responsibility is to make the changes that our lives are urging us to make. We should seize any opportunity to improve any aspect of our lives. We can't simply ignore the signs and refrain from taking action because we don't want to, we're scared, or it requires too much effort.

If we recognize the need for change, then we have a responsibility to act upon it. This brings us to the next responsibility, which is to act at the right time. The timing of everything in our lives is crucial, and we must be prepared.

Opportunities to enhance our situations arise constantly, and we miss them by failing to recognize the right moment to act or by hesitating due to fear. If we don't act at the right time, things can go wrong, but if we do act when we are supposed to, our days can improve in the short term, and our entire lives can improve in the long term. We also have a responsibility to influence people in the right way.

This requires striking a balance between not being too weak or too strong when dealing with others. It means not attempting to control people or infringing on their freedom to choose by exerting power over them. Lastly, our responsibility is to do the things we need to do when we need to do them.

On those days when everything is going smoothly and we can't put a foot wrong, we are in tune with what needs to be done and when. Postponing tasks and failing to recognize what needs to be done disrupts the flow of our lives, and every step feels off. These responsibilities are the most important aspects of our lives and should be our primary focus every day.

We will benefit from fulfilling them, and as our lives begin to function well, the people around us will also benefit. Who wouldn't want that?

Protecting Other People’s Freedom in Everyday Life

We all want to live our lives in the way that we feel is best for us. We want to do the things that we want to do and not do the things that we don't want to do. But, of course, there are always some constraints like work and other commitments.

So, we have to make compromises, and as we make these compromises more and more of our freedom to choose is taken away. But it's not our freedom that I'm concerned about here. I want to talk about how we can protect the personal freedom of other people—the people around us that we come into contact with.

In all of our dealings with people, either close to us or not, there is definitely a line we can cross. A line between what is best for us to do and what is not best for us to do. In situations where something is being decided, plans are being made, or we are just doing something with someone, we have the power to affect that person's life.

So, we should be conscious of how we are acting and how we are affecting them. One way that we take away people's freedom is when we subconsciously think that they think they don't know what to do in a certain situation. In our own lives, we always think that we know or can work out what to do, so there's no reason why we shouldn't think that other people think this about themselves too.

But when we don't, we start trying to think for the other person or think on their behalf, and this inevitably leads to telling them what they should do. And to us, it seems harmless. They should just do what we say.

It is the best way after all. Or they don't have to, it's up to them. They can make their own decisions.

But by telling them what we think they should do, we have already limited their freedom to choose because we have altered how they think. Another way to take away freedom that we need to be careful of is trying to control people. And we should be aware of when we are doing this.

By controlling people, I simply mean making people do things that we want them to do but that they would rather not do. And it could be anything, even the very smallest, most harmless thing. So when do we seek to control people?

Well, one of the times is when we are out with them and we are not having fun. In these cases, we will sometimes try to steer the situation into something we want to do. Or another time is when we want someone to do something that we think is important.

Of course, things that are important to us are not always important to other people. And we need to be the most careful when we are with the people closest to us because we often try to control the smaller details of how they live their lives. As I said earlier, these things can seem harmless or like very small things to be concerned about.

It's just the way that the world is and the way that people are. But the fact is that we don't like it when people infringe upon our freedom to be who we are and choose what we want to do. We don't like it when people push their agendas on us and force us into a situation.

And of course, we can say no or push back. We can react and refuse just like they can. But the truth is that usually we don't.

We don't want to make a big deal out of something small. So, we let it go. But we don't need to make other people feel like that.

We don't need to make them give up their own freedom just because of how we act.

Recognising the Purpose of This Period of Your Life

Our lives have purpose, or to be more accurate, our lives have many purposes. As we go through our lives, each period has its own purpose. But a purpose is not something that we make up by ourselves.

It's something that already exists in our lives. We have one right now in this part of our lives. Either we don't know what it is or it's something that we are already doing, but we haven't acknowledged it as our purpose.

So if we don't know what it is, then we are missing an opportunity to achieve it. Also, if we did know what it was, we could more clearly focus on it and get a more meaningful experience from it. But let's take a step back for a second and ask, what is a purpose?

A purpose is a goal in a specific area of our lives. It is something that can only be achieved by us but could be for us or for the people around us. So how can we find the purpose of this part or any part of our lives?

We need to be careful here because there could be something that we want our purpose to be or something that we feel strongly that our purpose is, but really it isn't. So how can we know that something is our real purpose? That's really down to what is generating the need for that purpose.

Always, a purpose is wrapped up in our daily lives. It is related to the main theme of what we are going through at the time, so it could be related to work, family, or our private lives. So in one of these areas, the need for that purpose keeps trying to get our attention more than anything else, and while we are in this particular period of our lives, it will keep coming up and making itself known to us.

It could be a problem, an issue, or something we keep thinking about more than anything else. It could be an area that causes stress or where we get criticized by others, or a place where there's conflict. But it's definitely something that repeats.

, it's down to us. When we are trying to find it, it will bring with it a "knowing" that it's the right thing. There is nothing more valuable than really knowing something.

And we must remember that "knowing" is a feeling, not just a thought. So once we've identified what that thing is, the next step is to work out what we need to be doing about it. So what is a purpose trying to do?

Every purpose, of course, is trying to improve our lives in a small or sometimes a big way. But it's best to think of them as building blocks on the way to a bigger purpose. So we should look for how we can elevate the particular situation we have identified and how our input can alter it.

Purposes are pieces of the puzzle that help us make gains in our lives if we can focus on them and commit to them. And, of course, while we are pursuing a purpose, it brings us all of the experiences that go along with working towards that purpose. And these experiences help to shape and change us.

And we mustn't forget that it's okay if we make a mistake finding the purpose for this period of our lives, as long as we realize and try again. If we are wrong, we'll soon find out because we'll meet a lot of resistance to what we are doing. That's not to say that our purpose won't be challenging, but if it becomes unreasonably difficult, then we are on the wrong track.

Getting Through Bad Moments and Leaving Space for Good Ones

We all have good days and bad days, or even good mornings and bad afternoons. And when things are going well, we get lost in the moment, and sometimes when things are going badly, we can't escape from it no matter what we do. And clearly, in both of these cases, there are times when things are out of our control.

Events are happening that we have nothing to do with, and they are what is making us have fun or be miserable. But at other times, what is happening IS dependent on what we are doing and on what we are choosing. So, it makes sense that we could do things differently or choose different things, and situations would turn out differently.

But nobody is perfect, and we can't predict what results our actions will cause as we go through a regular day. And of course, we don't want to change anything when things are going well, but we would all like to change the times that are going badly. And it is possible.

But only if we can recognize when things are starting to go wrong. Usually, the red flags of this are people's reactions, or we suddenly feel stressed or panicked. These are early warning signs and the signal to take action and not follow the course that we are on, which will pull us further into a bad situation.

But what action do we need to take? Well, we can turn things around by quickly throwing ourselves into any task that keeps us busy for a while. So, during our day, if we feel that things are starting to turn on us either with the people around us or with the thing we are doing, we should always look for something that can mentally or physically engage us.

Usually, this means doing something alone, and the simpler and more repetitive it is, the better. By doing this, we haven't exactly escaped from what is happening, but we are doing something very important. Difficult periods can only last for a certain amount of time.

They are all time-dependent, and when that amount of time has run out, the difficult period ends. So, by keeping ourselves busy with something unrelated, we are running down the clock, and although we can still feel the tension of it, we are not taking part in it and making it worse for ourselves. And by the time we have stopped doing whatever we chose to do, we'll find that we have sidestepped the bad time that we were starting to have.

So that's the difficult times, but what about the good times? How can we maximize the times when we can have fun? The answer to this is all in the planning.

When we plan to do anything for fun, we should always leave space for the unknown to happen. And the way to do this is by not planning all of the details of what we are going to do. And the reason for this is that we experience fun when we do something spontaneously.

So if we leave space in our plan, it allows these spontaneous things to happen. Another thing to be careful of is if the planning is starting to get too complicated. If it is, then it's best to give it up and do something else.

We always need to read what's possible at the time because forcing something to happen will never turn out to be fun for anyone, least of all ourselves.

Finding the Best Way Forward

If you observe very young children going through their day, it's easy to see that in every interaction they have, there is one thing on their minds: themselves. Everything revolves around them, and they haven't yet developed the ability to see things from another person's perspective. As adults, we like to believe that we are different.

We have empathy and consider others, offering help or making compromises. But are we genuinely thinking about others, or are we simply better at concealing our own agendas and manipulating situations to achieve the outcomes we truly desire? It doesn't really matter whether we can honestly assess our actions in each situation and determine how selfless they are.

Being selfless all the time is not the ultimate goal, just as constantly obtaining what we want is not the goal either. Ultimately, we want the best outcome to occur, which is challenging because we often fail to recognize what that truly is. However, in significant situations in our lives, it is better for us and everyone involved if we learn how to navigate them in order to achieve the best results.

So, how do we accomplish that? Well, every important situation is unique, and our actions will vary each time we encounter one. Therefore, the real answer lies not in what we should do, but rather in the way we need to be.

First and foremost, we must be aware of when an important situation is commencing. That means we need to recognize as quickly as possible that it has started. Once we find ourselves in the situation, there are several paths we can take, and we must be cognizant of the available options, acknowledging that we don't know which one is best yet.

It's important to remember that the best option might align with what we want to happen, or equally, with what we don't want to happen. We must be willing to accept outcomes that may not align with our immediate desires because they are in the best interest of the bigger picture. If other people are involved, we need to consider their perspectives and not dismiss anything prematurely.

Additionally, we need to recognize that one of the tools at our disposal is time. Sometimes, things need to be left and temporarily set aside. There may come a point where the way forward is unclear.

If possible, during such moments, rather than forcing a premature conclusion that could be incorrect, it is better to step away and revisit the situation later. So, how do we recognize the best course of action? Well, when we weigh the options, the best way forward is the one that leaves us with no doubt that it is indeed the best path.

By "knowing" the best way, I mean having a deep sense of certainty. Knowing is not the same as merely thinking. Knowing is a feeling.

We don't need to debate or convince ourselves of it, but we must be receptive to it. When we observe other people's lives, it is often easy to see what they should do in certain situations. It can be surprising when they choose differently.

However, we don't need to be like that. We don't have to choose the way we think is best for us. We can choose the way we know is the best because we understand that our decision is not driven by selfishness, but rather by good intentions.

Choosing What Is Right for You

Every day, we are faced with decisions about what we should do with our time in our personal lives. There are things that we need to do, things that we want to do, and then there are the things that we think we should do. And with this last category, it's often difficult to know whether we should do something, especially when we don't really want to or we feel obliged to do it.

And an added complication to these things is that they often involve other people, which makes them trickier to navigate. So, how can we decide if we should or shouldn't do something? But more importantly than that, how can we know and feel happy that our decision was right?

The answer to that is a little complicated, so first let's look at what something we should do looks like. Simply speaking, the things we should do will give us experiences that have the potential to change us slightly. They will change how we feel about our lives and ourselves and give us a different way of looking at everything.

But I don't mean in a huge epiphany-giving, life-changing way. I mean that just for a short time and in a small way, we will escape from what's normal and feel different. And although the feeling lasts only while we are having the experience and for a short time after, the effects are not temporary.

Even when these feelings have gone, they have already changed us slightly and permanently. So why do we need to seek out things that change us? Well, the short answer is that each time we change, we become closer to who we are changing into.

So when we are choosing what to do or whether we should do A or B, then we have to look if it could be an experience that could change us. And it doesn't matter what change it is or how small of a change it will give us, as long as we feel different while we're doing it. And we don't have to climb mountains or cross oceans to feel different, but it should be something that when we imagine doing it, we can see that potentially we will feel different.

It's also important to look at what something we shouldn't do looks like too. And of course, something we shouldn't do does not have the potential to take us out of ourselves and make us feel different. But also, these are things that lack the potential for the unknown to happen.

So once we've measured the activity against these criteria, we can decide the best thing to do. And it is especially useful when something comes along that we feel obliged to do or are afraid of not doing because of the people involved. Because if we have measured it correctly, then with confidence we can say that our decision is right.

And doing something or not doing something because it is right for us is the only justification we need.

If these ideas resonate, you can begin with the Start Here page, where I share ongoing reflections by email. For those who feel ready to explore their situation more deeply, I also offer a paid cycle of guidance.

Why Regret Is One of Life’s Most Useful Signals

We all reminisce about the past and happily remember things that we've done. And some memories are from a long time ago, and some are more recent. But there is another process we go through which is a less pleasant experience.

Sometimes we remember more significant times in our lives, usually from our more distant pasts. These experiences were something embarrassing, stressful, shocking, or painful. They are times that we made mistakes.

And although in most cases we couldn't have stopped them from happening, we still feel that how we acted or the choices we made in those situations were wrong. And it is for this reason that they are important to us. Because the emotion that accompanies all of these memories is regret.

So why is regret important? First of all, I need to make it clear that regret is a good thing for us. So what does regret do for us?

Well, when we regret things that we've done, we also see what we did right and what we did wrong in a situation. And when we revisit these situations as we remember them, we strengthen what is right and what is wrong for us. This then becomes a powerful tool for us to use in the present, and it is especially useful when we are faced with challenging situations.

When we are in a challenging situation, we automatically use our tool of what is right and wrong, or in other words, what we should do and what we shouldn't do. And in this way, we are able to see more clearly the best course of action and be more confident that it is the right course of action for our lives. It's also important to note that we can regret the same memory many times and still get something from it because each time we relive it and judge ourselves, the way we know we should have acted becomes stronger.

There are also times when we replay very recent events in our lives. Things that have just happened. And of course, we do this a lot, but I'm referring to the things that keep replaying in our minds more than once.

These things are too fresh for us to regret yet. And so they affect us differently than those memories from long ago. It could be something that happened that day, but the fact that it keeps coming back to our minds over and over again tells us that it's important.

And these memories are important because they are showing us something. And it doesn't matter what the memory is, they are all showing us the same thing. Or , the same things.

These are all times when we did something important because in all of these cases we made a judgment about what was the right way and what was the wrong way. And hopefully, in those situations, we did make the right choice, and we haven't instead made a longer-lasting memory and one that is full of regret.

Why Life Keeps Changing and What It’s Doing to You

Some people are happy or satisfied with the way their lives are, but most of us aren't. We want change, and some of us would change a lot of things in our lives, while others would change only a few things. There are three ways our lives can change.

The first way is when something happens to us. This is when something or someone outside of our control changes something about our lives. Or maybe someone we're close to makes a change in their own life that affects us.

The second is something we plan for and try to change. This is the most dangerous type because when we bend our will to something and try to manipulate the situation too much, we might get what we want, but it could be the wrong thing for us. And the third way is when we make a change spontaneously without planning it, simply because we feel strongly that we should.

So what is the purpose of our lives changing? And what is really happening when our lives change? The answer to the first question is simple.

When we have a change in our lives, it changes who we are. A small change will change us a small amount, and a big change will change us a lot. But this change doesn't happen immediately.

Gradually, through living with these new circumstances, we change. And we usually can't see any difference until later when we look back at ourselves in the past. So the changes change who we are a little bit at a time.

But when it's said like this, it sounds like a change happens and then we shift like we're being blown in the wind. But it's the other way around. The purpose of our lives changing is to alter who we are.

So now we have to ask the question: Why do we need to change who we are? And the answer is that we benefit from it. We benefit from becoming different.

Because not only is who we've become slightly different, but it's also a little better than we were before. And this is not dependent on whether the change in our lives is positive or negative. We still benefit either way.

But why? Well, being different makes us feel different, and when we feel different, we act differently. This means that we will make different choices and different decisions.

But not only different, but better choices and better decisions. And the main reason for this is that when we change, we become stronger. Mentally and emotionally, we are more capable of dealing with situations.

And of course, this leads to feeling and being more confident. And when we are more confident going into something, we make better decisions and choices because we can think more clearly. This also leads us to not make the same mistakes we've made before and to not fall into the same traps as we have done previously.

So our lives change and we change, and this pattern repeats again and again until we are very different from the people we were at the beginning. But not only that, these changes are making us stronger for the next thing and the next thing, so that we are always able to deal with what is coming up. And in this way, we can trust that the future is something we are ready for.

A quiet note.

From time to time, I share reflections related to Enhanced Sense Living.

There is no schedule and no obligation.

You can leave your email at the bottom of the Start Here page if you would like to be informed when something new appears.

The Cycles That Shape Us: Why Tough Times Don’t Last Forever

Life is tough. Even for those of us whose lives are fairly comfortable, it can still feel like a grind to get through the day. And for many of us, those feelings can be magnified so much that life becomes unbearably difficult to deal with.

And to make things worse, the people on the outside looking in don't have any idea how difficult our lives are. Usually because we hide it and don't share it with anyone. So let's look at what makes it difficult.

First of all, there are periods when our lives are harder because of things we have to do or because people are making demands of us. But this is not constant. These are finite lengths of time which could last for days or even weeks.

And the backdrop to this may be that our lives are not in a good place, but these times, when they start, are extra difficult and then they finish. But we need to look at why we have these things in our lives? Obviously, as with all of our experiences, these things influence and challenge us, but we need to look deeper into how they affect us.

First of all, when we are in the middle of these experiences, we use something that's not good and that makes it difficult for us to get through these tough times. It's a habit our brains have when dealing with stress, and that is very simply that we don't fully accept what is happening to us. And when we try to mentally hide from what is happening, it makes things more difficult to get through.

Unfortunately, we can't really choose how our brains react, and in fact, we don't need to. But it's important to know what's going on inside us. But the main way these things affect us is that they slightly change who we are so that the next time it happens, we will react differently.

The second thing that makes our lives tough is the little health issues that plague us. I'm talking about things like headaches, pains, and other minor conditions. When we have them, these health issues make every part of our day difficult to perform.

But to find out what they do for us, we need to look at when they happen. Usually, when we have already been experiencing a tough period in our lives, these pains begin and of course, they make everything else seem even worse than it really is. But when the pain is over, we feel different.

How we feel about everything has changed. And more than that, a new period has started and the mood has altered. After a difficult time, we should notice these changes.

Nothing has really changed on the outside, but on the inside, we are slightly different. But of course, after some time has passed, we start the process again. Another tough time starts, and we repeat the pattern.

Our lives are not just long timelines; they are pieces of time with beginnings and ends.

A quiet note.

From time to time, I share reflections related to Enhanced Sense Living.

There is no schedule and no obligation.

You can leave your email at the bottom of the Start Here page if you would like to be informed when something new appears.

How Life Shows You What Will Happen Next

Some people think that the future is yet to be written and we have the free will to change what will happen, and some people think that it was written long before we arrived here. One thing is for sure, nobody really knows, and it doesn't really matter. What is important is how we feel about this unknown future that we're moving towards.

The future can be scary and unpredictable. We can fear it and have anxiety about it or we can be excited about it. And although some people profess to be able to predict the future, the majority of us can't.

What we can do though is to start looking at the patterns that our lives are following. And in our own way, we can start understanding and feeling better about where our futures are going. So what are these patterns?

Well, the patterns are the repeated ways that the situations in our lives follow. From time to time, we find ourselves in a situation that feels familiar. A type of situation that we've been in before.

This type of situation could be a bad thing that we don't want to happen or something that we don't want to do in the future. They are things that we are not looking forward to and things that will disrupt our lives in some way. But after worrying about this thing constantly and dreading the day it happens, we always reach a point where this thing just goes away.

Something always comes up so that this thing is not going to happen anymore. And then we think, why was I worrying? It's not going to happen.

But , the worrying is the most important part about it. We don't also need the pain of going through it as well. So we move on with our lives and then sure enough, somewhere down the road, another bad thing that we don't want to happen comes up.

Is it going to happen? We just have to wait and see. But when we get there, most importantly, we need to remember that this next thing also didn't happen.

Now we are building the evidence and starting to trust the pattern. So as I said before, we don't know if the future is written or if we create it but one thing is for sure, the future is not random. If it was, there wouldn't be any patterns.

So if we pay attention to the patterns and the way things turn out, we will have a better idea of what will happen. And most importantly, we can stop worrying so much and trust that this time, as it was last time, everything will turn out fine. Another pattern that happens to us is when we're in a situation that goes comically wrong.

These are situations that don't have any repercussions for our future; they are just stand-alone stupid situations. At these times, we are trying our best but we make a mistake, or we miss something or someone misunderstands us. And there's no way we can save the situation.

No matter how hard we try. The main theme of these situations is feeling embarrassed. Being embarrassed is very important for us because it keeps us humble.

Not Every Fight Deserves Your Reaction

In our lives, we experience what I call trouble. It comes in many forms but usually from the same specific people in our lives. These people may be close to us, like people in our family, or they could be just people we know: friends or coworkers.

But it's important that we recognize who these people are and label them as such. Now, I'm not saying these people are bad people. In fact, they are more likely to be good people, and often they are people that we love.

But what trouble do these people bring into our lives? Well, one example is a situation where we are being criticized in some way by someone. They might say to us that we should be more like this or we should stop doing something.

In this situation, what we don't need to do is react and start having an argument with them. And we definitely don't need to take it as a personal attack and one where we need to defend ourselves. We don't even need to say that we will do things differently.

We just have to sit tight, be non-committal, and wait for the trouble to finish. But the doubt still remains. Do we need to change?

Maybe, maybe not. One thing is for sure, though: we are being shown an area where we need to do something differently or approach something in a different way. And would it be better for us if we did change how we act in that part of our lives that is being criticized?

Maybe. And are we going to change? Well, we will find out because the next time a similar situation comes along, we might decide to do things differently.

And because part of who we are is how we act and we have acted differently, then we have slightly changed ourselves. But there is some danger here. There's always a thin line between changing yourself to make yourself a better person and changing yourself to be what someone else wants you to be.

And where that line is is something that we have to decide for ourselves. Usually, though, to help us with this, there is a good indicator of when not to change yourself. Sometimes the trouble that these people bring to us is played out in our heads.

They say something to us, and then later we think about what they said over and over again, usually because it really annoyed us. And this makes us question ourselves and our own actions. Did we do the right thing or did we do enough in that situation?

Usually, the answer is yes, but only after our brains have replayed the situation a dozen times will our minds finally be satisfied that we did do the right thing. And then we can move on. Confirming that what we did was right changes how we feel about who we are and gives us confidence that we can take into the next situation.

Why the Hard Things Might Be the Right Things

In our lives, we are put into many different kinds of situations at work, at home, or in public. Sometimes, situations in our lives feel out of our control, and no matter what we do, we can't change what is happening. And because we can't predict what is going to happen, we try to intervene and change what we can clearly see will be a bad end result for us.

But the more we try, the more helpless we feel. But this is not a failure. What we are trying to do is to change the eventual result to what we want to happen instead of accepting what is happening.

And of course, it's difficult to accept what is happening because it's not what we want. And this is a common mistake. To think that what we want to happen or, more accurately, the good thing that we want to happen is the best thing for us.

And of course, sometimes it's true, but why would it always be true that we know what the best thing or the best result is? Life is full of stories of people enduring hardship and then trying and trying and coming through it to be successful. So how can we say that the bad things that happened to them weren't the best thing for them?

Of course, at the time, it must have felt to them like it was the wrong thing, but looking at the big picture, it was the right thing because it led them to their ultimate goal. But they are not the anomaly. We are the same as them, except that their circumstances were extreme (extremely difficult and then extremely rewarding), and usually, our circumstances are less extreme.

So, in terms of our long-term goal, which I'm sure you'd agree, in its simplest form is to be "happy," then what we should do is not only deal with how things are or how they have turned out. But also to acknowledge that the way things are is the best way. For now.

But this isn't so easy when you're not happy about your situation and you can't see an end to it. Naturally, the speed that life changes for most people, most of the time, isn't quick at all, so we can be stuck in an undesirable situation for months or even years. So, to keep trusting that what is happening is the best thing and to keep that hope that it will change in the future takes a lot of willpower.

But the more often we notice when a situation that we weren't happy about becomes a situation that we are happy about, the more evidence we'll have to trust that the next difficult situation we're in will eventually turn out fine. Thinking this way is how we rebuild who we are as people. Who we are is made up of how we view the world, how we interact with the world, and how we react to the things that happen to us.

If we are reacting with confidence based on our past experiences, then we are, on one level, showing different characteristics. Another set of circumstances that we sometimes find ourselves in are those situations where we can't think clearly. This doesn't necessarily have to be a high-stress situation or one with a lot of pressure; it can be any sort of everyday situation we find ourselves in, even shopping at the supermarket.

When these things happen to us, the simplest things become difficult, and we struggle to complete the task we are doing. But when this confusion happens, it's important that we first recognize that it's happening. And then, knowing that we can't do anything about it at the moment, all we have to do is wait for it to be over.

This type of experience is not our fault. We didn't choose to be confused or to not think clearly. It's just a thing that is happening.

When It Feels Worse Than It Should - Regain Balance

Our own lives are undoubtedly the most important thing to all of us. How we feel in every waking second of every day is experienced by each of us and is personal to us. We spend every moment with ourselves, and those small details make up the fabric of our lives.

And it’s the small details that are important to me. But I don’t think I was always THIS sensitive. I feel like the volume has been turned all the way up on the seemingly trivial things that happen in my life.

The small things mean a lot to me. Sometimes someone will say something to me, and my mind just keeps replaying it over and over. It’s usually something that doesn’t sit well with me.

Something that feels wrong, that just grates against my mind and leaves a sore spot. Or something will happen at work, and I just can’t forget about it. Again, something that rubs me the wrong way.

And it’s usually when someone is trying to manipulate a situation to their own ends or when they have misunderstood a situation. Of course, I can’t control what thoughts pop into my head, so it’s like my mind is beating me into submission by replaying these things over and over again. And when it feels like I’ve had enough, it stops.

And again, these are small problems that are made more important and annoying because of the constant repetition of them in my mind. And a lot of the things that give me the most stress are things that I’m sure someone on the outside looking in would think are trivial. Even I think sometimes that if I’m stressing about this small thing, then my life must be pretty good.

But the level of that stress is so disproportionately high that it’s like some torture. At certain times, my life somehow feels much worse than it should feel. Because of this magnification of the small things, I’m constantly micromanaging my life and making sure I pay close attention to all the small details because if I don’t, then it brings even more trouble for me.

Another part of my life where the dials are turned up is on social arrangements. I will turn down invitations to things which are most likely going to be fun because, for no rational reason, I feel strongly that I don’t want to do it. Of course, nobody truly knows why they like one thing and not another, or why they prefer to do this thing over that thing.

But the feeling I have is not exactly that I wouldn’t like to do it. When I get invited to something, I don’t want to do it because it feels wrong, like something I shouldn’t do, or it would be better if I didn’t do it. And until I deal with it and decline the offer, it will keep coming back to my thoughts again and again until I’m sick of thinking about it.

Fortunately, though, there is another way because often the thing that feels wrong will be canceled and will just go away by itself. So through my own actions and through things that happen outside of my control, I am able to always do the things that I should do and not do anything that I shouldn’t.

Feeling Relief After Hard Times? What It’s Teaching You

Life is full of repetition. We do the same things day in and day out, week in and week out. Repetition gives us a feeling of comfort, and the repetitive nature of life makes us feel secure.

If things kept changing and were always different, it would be stressful and tiring. But, of course, a little change is nice. However, this everyday repetition isn't the kind that I want to talk about.

The repetition in my life is usually the bad kind - the repetition of undesirable situations. But sometimes, it can be positive. There are two kinds of repetition in my life.

The first is situations that have the same elements as other situations I have been in, like chances that I've had to change my job or positions that I was excited about and that almost happened but then didn't. The second is when the exact same thing repeats itself, like getting the same headache on the same day three weeks in a row. These are the kinds of repetition I can't ignore, even though I can never fully understand why these situations repeat.

Sometimes, if I think rationally about it, then I can see that for certain situations, it was a good thing for me to do the same thing again. In some cases, I could do it better or I could appreciate more what was happening, but more often than not, it seems pointless and, not to mention, painful to do it all again. And it often seems like I'm finished with repeating a certain type of situation, but then months or years later, it will come back to repeat again.

I'll explain this in more detail. I just recently had what I would call an emotionally charged conversation with my wife. In this type of conversation, both of us are saying what we feel and are trying to make the other person understand how difficult our lives have been.

But this conversation has happened multiple times over the years, and it must have been many years since it happened last. And this time, as in the other times, we were both saying the same things that we always say and pointing out the same problems that we have always had. And when it happens, this is when I feel like my life hasn't progressed or moved forward at all, and I'm back where I started.

And it's no one's fault. I'm not blaming my wife or my relationship with her. It's my life that isn't living up to my expectations.

I base these expectations on the trends my life has been following and how good my life has been lately. So if I get hit with something from the past, it seems like a backward step to me. And although my initial reaction when I repeat these situations is that I'm back at the beginning where I started, what I really have to do is to look a little closer.

When a situation repeats, I expect it to go as horribly wrong as the last time, but each time it happens, I feel like I am being let off from how bad it was before. This can either be by the result being more positive, the situation being over more quickly, or me feeling less damaged from the experience. Also, when I look back over my life, it's clear that although these situations repeat, I have seen a steady improvement in each area of my life.

And it might be that the repetition punctuates the progress that I've made and gives me a chance to reflect on where I was and where I am now.

When Life Changes Who You Are, For the Better

One theme in my life that has always plagued me is injustice. When I was a kid, I can remember many occasions when I was accused of something that I didn't do, and it always fell into two categories. One was that it looked like I was guilty, and I didn't speak up because I felt like people wouldn't believe me.

And the other was when my intentions were misunderstood, and I couldn't make the adults understand why I had done something. And because of this, I'm always trying to be careful not to do the same thing with my own kids. But they are similar ages, so they have arguments and different things happen, and I sometimes jump to conclusions, and I can see the same face on them that I had years ago.

Disbelief at the injustice of it all. So that leads me to one important point, which is seeing or missing the truth in a situation. In the last ten years, I've been able to see more clearly the role that I'm playing in a situation because I'm not lying to myself about what my motives are.

And because I can see myself more clearly and objectively, it's easier to see what is really happening. The problem, however, is what to do with this new perspective. If I see that I'm being selfish, for example, then I can't continue to act that way, so it changes what I will do next.

If I see that I am saying something to someone in order to get my own way, then I can't just keep going with it. And I've caught myself and corrected my actions again and again, and that has changed who I am and how I interact with the people around me. And that brings me to telling people the truth.

I always thought that I just wasn't good at confrontation, but now I can see that telling people the truth about themselves to their face isn't the best thing to do. I'm never able to tell people the truth about themselves, even when I really want to. But there is a good reason for this.

And that's my motivation for doing it. Why do I want to tell them their faults or why they're wrong? Of course, the answer is because I want to change them.

I want them to be different or to behave differently. But me telling them will never have the outcome that I'm trying to achieve. Also, it's just not good for me to bring someone down and attack them, even if they do it to me.

But for all of the insight and clarity I have, I'm still what I would call optimistically naive. I want to believe the best about people, and I want to believe that good things will happen for me. I want to think that people are honest in all their dealings with me and that they don't have selfish motives.

And because of this, I often feel let down by people. But that's on me. I lied to myself.

And if the promise of good things doesn't work out, then all I can do is pick myself up, dust myself off, and carry on.

Why I Stopped Trying to Convince People

One thing I never do anymore is try to convince people that I'm right about something. In fact, I've spent the last few years not even telling people what I think about anything, really, or sharing anything about my life. Until now.

I just reached a point where I thought it wasn't worth it and there wasn't any point to it. And of course, this didn't lead to any close relationships because you have to share part of yourself with people to make friends, and I just wasn't willing to do that. As I was looking at and listening to the people around me, I often heard them sharing their opinions and ideas about things, but not really listening to each other and then going away with exactly the same ideas that they had at the start.

And I realized that that was okay. One person's ideas weren't necessarily better or worse than another person's, so it didn't really matter. One thing that did get under my skin, though, was when people argued strongly about something.

Of course, everyone thinks that they are right, but these arguments were caused by one or usually both of the people trying to push their ideas onto the other person and convince them that they were right. And it's that part that I always had a problem with. Trying to force someone to think like me is fundamentally wrong, and it never works.

And that's why I never shared any part of myself. I didn't care if the people around me knew what I thought, thought how I thought, or agreed with what I thought. And even when I didn't agree with what they were saying or how they thought, I would always just let it go.

I don't feel any need to try to change their opinion or make them see "the truth" according to me. But I want to make a distinction here. There are things in the world that most people would agree are wrong, but what I'm talking about are the less serious issues.

So with that in mind, it's okay to let things go; however, sometimes it is very difficult. Human nature kicks in, and I want to win. I want to be right.

I want to show the other person how wrong they are and how they should think like me. Then we can both be right. But I found that this isn't really necessary at all.

Doing that doesn't make MY life better. So if it's a work situation, then I'll let it go, I'll try it their way, even if I think it will fail. And once I've committed to it, I'll give it my all.

I'll give it a chance to succeed because I'm the one who's chosen it. So for a long time, I haven't argued with anybody. I call it "winning without winning." I get to keep thinking I'm right, and I don't have to convince anybody else of it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't tell people what I think about something. Sometimes, like in a work situation, it's necessary to have an opinion. But that's all it is.

I'm not about to go to war over it. And that doesn't mean I don't care about the outcome or that I don't want the best result; it's just that it might be possible that I don't know what the best outcome is.

Knowing When Not to Act Is a Strength

I’m always waiting for my life to improve and I don’t mean that I’m just doing nothing but there’s a time for doing things and a time for doing nothing except waiting. But when I see the signs I am immediately ready to jump into action and do everything that I need to do. But between those times are the times that I just have to wait.

At these times it’s important for me to be very very patient because I can spend a long time in the waiting room. Overall in the last ten years my life has steadily improved and I can see that by comparing my situations then and now. I always divide my life into three parts.

My family, my job and everything else. Each part follows different rules and behaves in a different way. When I have change in my life it is only ever in one of the areas at one time.

All of the areas can’t change at once. And I need to look at what is possible and what isn’t possible to gauge where that part of my life is at. And there are things that I wish, and have wished, I could do, like take my kids to the beach.

But there has been a time when I couldn’t do that and I just had to accept that the “Family” part of my life wasn’t at the level where I could do that yet. And I’m even talking about the very small things in my life. There has been a time when I couldn’t have a certain food that I wanted and then a change happened and I could get it.

If you looked from the outside it would seem like such a small thing but to me it was important and I had to be patient while I couldn’t have it and when I got it I could see that that part of my life had changed and improved. These small signs are important for me because if I’m hoping for something bigger I can think that “if I can’t have this little thing then it’s definitely not the right time to have this bigger thing yet. Then there are the times when everything seems to be going well but suddenly it will be like someone has pressed the reset button on my life.

Something will happen, something disappointing, and I’ll feel like all of the gains I’ve made have now been erased. And I feel let down by my life and I’ll wonder if my life has really changed? Disappointment is a very strong feeling that repeats in my life.

And even when I think I’ve moved away from the area where I could feel so low something happens and I get dragged back into it. At these times I feel betrayed. My life was going so well and everything was clicking into place.

I was believing that good things could happen for me and that I could make that final change in my life that means it would never be able to go back to the way it was before. And on many occasions I have been so close to that point but just before the big change something happens and then the whole process unravels and I’m back where I started. This is accompanied by that familiar sickening feeling in my stomach and the crushing disappointment of another opportunity gone by.

Looking back at those times I can see that those opportunities weren’t right for me and if I’d looked more closely I could have seen that there was always something about them that wasn’t right. But each opportunity was a different direction my life could have gone in and now it seems to me more like a list that I was exploring and crossing off as I went until I finally found the right thing for me.

Choosing Your Next Direction with Clarity

I'm always waiting for my life to improve, and I don't mean that I'm just doing nothing. There's a time for doing things and a time for doing nothing except waiting. But when I see the signs, I am immediately ready to jump into action and do everything that I need to do.

But between those times are the moments when I just have to wait. During these times, it's important for me to be very, very patient because I can spend a long time in the waiting room. Overall, in the last ten years, my life has steadily improved, and I can see that by comparing my situations then and now.

I always divide my life into three parts: my family, my job, and everything else. Each part follows different rules and behaves differently. When there is a change in my life, it only happens in one area at a time.

All the areas can't change simultaneously. I need to assess what is possible and what isn't possible to determine the state of that particular part of my life. And there are things that I wish, and have wished, I could do, like taking my kids to the beach.

But there was a time when I couldn't do that, and I just had to accept that the "Family" part of my life wasn't at the level where I could do that yet. I'm even talking about the very small things in my life. There was a time when I couldn't have a certain food that I wanted, and then a change happened, and I could get it.

If someone looked from the outside, it would seem like such a small thing, but to me, it was important, and I had to be patient while I couldn't have it. When I finally got it, I could see that that part of my life had changed and improved. These small signs are important to me because if I'm hoping for something bigger, I can think that if I can't have this little thing, then it's definitely not the right time to have this bigger thing yet.

Then there are times when everything seems to be going well, but suddenly it feels like someone has pressed the reset button on my life. Something disappointing happens, and I feel like all the progress I've made has been erased. I feel let down by my life, and I wonder if my life has really changed.

Disappointment is a very strong feeling that repeats in my life. Even when I think I've moved away from the point where I could feel so low, something happens and I get dragged back into it. During these times, I feel betrayed.

My life was going so well, and everything was falling into place. I believed that good things could happen for me, and that I could make that final change in my life that would prevent it from going back to the way it was before. On many occasions, I have been so close to that point, but just before the big change, something happens, and the whole process unravels, leaving me back where I started.

This is accompanied by that familiar sickening feeling in my stomach and the crushing disappointment of another missed opportunity. Looking back at those times, I can see that those opportunities weren't right for me. If I had looked more closely, I could have seen that there was always something about them that wasn't right.

But each opportunity represented a different direction my life could have taken, and now it seems more like a list that I was exploring and crossing off as I went until I finally found the right thing for me.

Owning Your Part (Without Blame) to Find Freedom

The worst thing I can do to someone is to try to control them. Trying to control them takes away their choices and their freedom. Individual freedom is very important, and nobody wants to feel like they can't decide for themselves what to do or that they can't choose the thing that they want.

One of the places where I have to be especially careful is with my kids. They are still fairly young, so I need to tell them what to do, but I've found that there is a line that I shouldn't cross. A line where I can control them too much.

I also, of course, have to be careful when I'm talking to my wife. Sometimes what I think is advice comes across too strongly and to her seems like me telling her what to do. And when I cross this line, it's usually because of the tone that I used or my choice of words.

And of course, I experience people trying to control me as well. People try to control me all the time into doing things they want me to do that I don't want to. And this pressure can come from them using their position or status, or their relationship with me.

I used to get pulled into doing a lot of things that I didn't really want to just because I thought I should. And I would dread doing those things, and it would make me unhappy. Now my strategy for this is to not react or commit to anything at the time the person is saying it and then later to just do the thing that I want to do.

There are never any repercussions for me from using this strategy, and the result is always that I'm happier. Another thing that I used to do is to try to change situations. Usually because I know better, which is obviously not true.

And of course, this caused conflict for me with the people around me. But then I started to pick up on the signs better and to back off and stop trying to manipulate the situation to how I wanted it to be. Most of my motivation was purely selfish anyway, and I just wanted the situation to suit me and what I wanted.

But I found that letting things develop naturally and letting other people's input guide the situation brings good results for everyone. So then a lot of my trouble and conflict with people comes from me. And even though I often think that it's other people's fault, probably eighty percent of it started from me.

I'm not talking about huge problems or big arguments either; I'm talking about even the very small things, like how a conversation goes. I want everything, including my everyday interactions, to go smoothly. This requires me to be sensitive or even hypersensitive to the flow of the conversation and the motivations of the people involved.

And because I'm not fixed on a certain outcome, my input isn't too strong, and I have hopefully avoided any conflict.