The Cycles That Shape Us: Why Tough Times Don’t Last Forever

Life is tough. Even for those of us whose lives are fairly comfortable, it can still feel like a grind to get through the day. And for many of us, those feelings can be magnified so much that life becomes unbearably difficult to deal with.

And to make things worse, the people on the outside looking in don't have any idea how difficult our lives are. Usually because we hide it and don't share it with anyone. So let's look at what makes it difficult.

First of all, there are periods when our lives are harder because of things we have to do or because people are making demands of us. But this is not constant. These are finite lengths of time which could last for days or even weeks.

And the backdrop to this may be that our lives are not in a good place, but these times, when they start, are extra difficult and then they finish. But we need to look at why we have these things in our lives? Obviously, as with all of our experiences, these things influence and challenge us, but we need to look deeper into how they affect us.

First of all, when we are in the middle of these experiences, we use something that's not good and that makes it difficult for us to get through these tough times. It's a habit our brains have when dealing with stress, and that is very simply that we don't fully accept what is happening to us. And when we try to mentally hide from what is happening, it makes things more difficult to get through.

Unfortunately, we can't really choose how our brains react, and in fact, we don't need to. But it's important to know what's going on inside us. But the main way these things affect us is that they slightly change who we are so that the next time it happens, we will react differently.

The second thing that makes our lives tough is the little health issues that plague us. I'm talking about things like headaches, pains, and other minor conditions. When we have them, these health issues make every part of our day difficult to perform.

But to find out what they do for us, we need to look at when they happen. Usually, when we have already been experiencing a tough period in our lives, these pains begin and of course, they make everything else seem even worse than it really is. But when the pain is over, we feel different.

How we feel about everything has changed. And more than that, a new period has started and the mood has altered. After a difficult time, we should notice these changes.

Nothing has really changed on the outside, but on the inside, we are slightly different. But of course, after some time has passed, we start the process again. Another tough time starts, and we repeat the pattern.

Our lives are not just long timelines; they are pieces of time with beginnings and ends.

How Life Shows You What Will Happen Next

Some people think that the future is yet to be written and we have the free will to change what will happen, and some people think that it was written long before we arrived here. One thing is for sure, nobody really knows, and it doesn't really matter. What is important is how we feel about this unknown future that we're moving towards.

The future can be scary and unpredictable. We can fear it and have anxiety about it or we can be excited about it. And although some people profess to be able to predict the future, the majority of us can't.

What we can do though is to start looking at the patterns that our lives are following. And in our own way, we can start understanding and feeling better about where our futures are going. So what are these patterns?

Well, the patterns are the repeated ways that the situations in our lives follow. From time to time, we find ourselves in a situation that feels familiar. A type of situation that we've been in before.

This type of situation could be a bad thing that we don't want to happen or something that we don't want to do in the future. They are things that we are not looking forward to and things that will disrupt our lives in some way. But after worrying about this thing constantly and dreading the day it happens, we always reach a point where this thing just goes away.

Something always comes up so that this thing is not going to happen anymore. And then we think, why was I worrying? It's not going to happen.

But , the worrying is the most important part about it. We don't also need the pain of going through it as well. So we move on with our lives and then sure enough, somewhere down the road, another bad thing that we don't want to happen comes up.

Is it going to happen? We just have to wait and see. But when we get there, most importantly, we need to remember that this next thing also didn't happen.

Now we are building the evidence and starting to trust the pattern. So as I said before, we don't know if the future is written or if we create it but one thing is for sure, the future is not random. If it was, there wouldn't be any patterns.

So if we pay attention to the patterns and the way things turn out, we will have a better idea of what will happen. And most importantly, we can stop worrying so much and trust that this time, as it was last time, everything will turn out fine. Another pattern that happens to us is when we're in a situation that goes comically wrong.

These are situations that don't have any repercussions for our future; they are just stand-alone stupid situations. At these times, we are trying our best but we make a mistake, or we miss something or someone misunderstands us. And there's no way we can save the situation.

No matter how hard we try. The main theme of these situations is feeling embarrassed. Being embarrassed is very important for us because it keeps us humble.

Not Every Fight Deserves Your Reaction

In our lives, we experience what I call trouble. It comes in many forms but usually from the same specific people in our lives. These people may be close to us, like people in our family, or they could be just people we know: friends or coworkers.

But it's important that we recognize who these people are and label them as such. Now, I'm not saying these people are bad people. In fact, they are more likely to be good people, and often they are people that we love.

But what trouble do these people bring into our lives? Well, one example is a situation where we are being criticized in some way by someone. They might say to us that we should be more like this or we should stop doing something.

In this situation, what we don't need to do is react and start having an argument with them. And we definitely don't need to take it as a personal attack and one where we need to defend ourselves. We don't even need to say that we will do things differently.

We just have to sit tight, be non-committal, and wait for the trouble to finish. But the doubt still remains. Do we need to change?

Maybe, maybe not. One thing is for sure, though: we are being shown an area where we need to do something differently or approach something in a different way. And would it be better for us if we did change how we act in that part of our lives that is being criticized?

Maybe. And are we going to change? Well, we will find out because the next time a similar situation comes along, we might decide to do things differently.

And because part of who we are is how we act and we have acted differently, then we have slightly changed ourselves. But there is some danger here. There's always a thin line between changing yourself to make yourself a better person and changing yourself to be what someone else wants you to be.

And where that line is is something that we have to decide for ourselves. Usually, though, to help us with this, there is a good indicator of when not to change yourself. Sometimes the trouble that these people bring to us is played out in our heads.

They say something to us, and then later we think about what they said over and over again, usually because it really annoyed us. And this makes us question ourselves and our own actions. Did we do the right thing or did we do enough in that situation?

Usually, the answer is yes, but only after our brains have replayed the situation a dozen times will our minds finally be satisfied that we did do the right thing. And then we can move on. Confirming that what we did was right changes how we feel about who we are and gives us confidence that we can take into the next situation.

Why the Hard Things Might Be the Right Things

In our lives, we are put into many different kinds of situations at work, at home, or in public. Sometimes, situations in our lives feel out of our control, and no matter what we do, we can't change what is happening. And because we can't predict what is going to happen, we try to intervene and change what we can clearly see will be a bad end result for us.

But the more we try, the more helpless we feel. But this is not a failure. What we are trying to do is to change the eventual result to what we want to happen instead of accepting what is happening.

And of course, it's difficult to accept what is happening because it's not what we want. And this is a common mistake. To think that what we want to happen or, more accurately, the good thing that we want to happen is the best thing for us.

And of course, sometimes it's true, but why would it always be true that we know what the best thing or the best result is? Life is full of stories of people enduring hardship and then trying and trying and coming through it to be successful. So how can we say that the bad things that happened to them weren't the best thing for them?

Of course, at the time, it must have felt to them like it was the wrong thing, but looking at the big picture, it was the right thing because it led them to their ultimate goal. But they are not the anomaly. We are the same as them, except that their circumstances were extreme (extremely difficult and then extremely rewarding), and usually, our circumstances are less extreme.

So, in terms of our long-term goal, which I'm sure you'd agree, in its simplest form is to be "happy," then what we should do is not only deal with how things are or how they have turned out. But also to acknowledge that the way things are is the best way. For now.

But this isn't so easy when you're not happy about your situation and you can't see an end to it. Naturally, the speed that life changes for most people, most of the time, isn't quick at all, so we can be stuck in an undesirable situation for months or even years. So, to keep trusting that what is happening is the best thing and to keep that hope that it will change in the future takes a lot of willpower.

But the more often we notice when a situation that we weren't happy about becomes a situation that we are happy about, the more evidence we'll have to trust that the next difficult situation we're in will eventually turn out fine. Thinking this way is how we rebuild who we are as people. Who we are is made up of how we view the world, how we interact with the world, and how we react to the things that happen to us.

If we are reacting with confidence based on our past experiences, then we are, on one level, showing different characteristics. Another set of circumstances that we sometimes find ourselves in are those situations where we can't think clearly. This doesn't necessarily have to be a high-stress situation or one with a lot of pressure; it can be any sort of everyday situation we find ourselves in, even shopping at the supermarket.

When these things happen to us, the simplest things become difficult, and we struggle to complete the task we are doing. But when this confusion happens, it's important that we first recognize that it's happening. And then, knowing that we can't do anything about it at the moment, all we have to do is wait for it to be over.

This type of experience is not our fault. We didn't choose to be confused or to not think clearly. It's just a thing that is happening.

When It Feels Worse Than It Should - Regain Balance

Our own lives are undoubtedly the most important thing to all of us. How we feel in every waking second of every day is experienced by each of us and is personal to us. We spend every moment with ourselves, and those small details make up the fabric of our lives.

And it’s the small details that are important to me. But I don’t think I was always THIS sensitive. I feel like the volume has been turned all the way up on the seemingly trivial things that happen in my life.

The small things mean a lot to me. Sometimes someone will say something to me, and my mind just keeps replaying it over and over. It’s usually something that doesn’t sit well with me.

Something that feels wrong, that just grates against my mind and leaves a sore spot. Or something will happen at work, and I just can’t forget about it. Again, something that rubs me the wrong way.

And it’s usually when someone is trying to manipulate a situation to their own ends or when they have misunderstood a situation. Of course, I can’t control what thoughts pop into my head, so it’s like my mind is beating me into submission by replaying these things over and over again. And when it feels like I’ve had enough, it stops.

And again, these are small problems that are made more important and annoying because of the constant repetition of them in my mind. And a lot of the things that give me the most stress are things that I’m sure someone on the outside looking in would think are trivial. Even I think sometimes that if I’m stressing about this small thing, then my life must be pretty good.

But the level of that stress is so disproportionately high that it’s like some torture. At certain times, my life somehow feels much worse than it should feel. Because of this magnification of the small things, I’m constantly micromanaging my life and making sure I pay close attention to all the small details because if I don’t, then it brings even more trouble for me.

Another part of my life where the dials are turned up is on social arrangements. I will turn down invitations to things which are most likely going to be fun because, for no rational reason, I feel strongly that I don’t want to do it. Of course, nobody truly knows why they like one thing and not another, or why they prefer to do this thing over that thing.

But the feeling I have is not exactly that I wouldn’t like to do it. When I get invited to something, I don’t want to do it because it feels wrong, like something I shouldn’t do, or it would be better if I didn’t do it. And until I deal with it and decline the offer, it will keep coming back to my thoughts again and again until I’m sick of thinking about it.

Fortunately, though, there is another way because often the thing that feels wrong will be canceled and will just go away by itself. So through my own actions and through things that happen outside of my control, I am able to always do the things that I should do and not do anything that I shouldn’t.

Feeling Relief After Hard Times? What It’s Teaching You

Life is full of repetition. We do the same things day in and day out, week in and week out. Repetition gives us a feeling of comfort, and the repetitive nature of life makes us feel secure.

If things kept changing and were always different, it would be stressful and tiring. But, of course, a little change is nice. However, this everyday repetition isn't the kind that I want to talk about.

The repetition in my life is usually the bad kind - the repetition of undesirable situations. But sometimes, it can be positive. There are two kinds of repetition in my life.

The first is situations that have the same elements as other situations I have been in, like chances that I've had to change my job or positions that I was excited about and that almost happened but then didn't. The second is when the exact same thing repeats itself, like getting the same headache on the same day three weeks in a row. These are the kinds of repetition I can't ignore, even though I can never fully understand why these situations repeat.

Sometimes, if I think rationally about it, then I can see that for certain situations, it was a good thing for me to do the same thing again. In some cases, I could do it better or I could appreciate more what was happening, but more often than not, it seems pointless and, not to mention, painful to do it all again. And it often seems like I'm finished with repeating a certain type of situation, but then months or years later, it will come back to repeat again.

I'll explain this in more detail. I just recently had what I would call an emotionally charged conversation with my wife. In this type of conversation, both of us are saying what we feel and are trying to make the other person understand how difficult our lives have been.

But this conversation has happened multiple times over the years, and it must have been many years since it happened last. And this time, as in the other times, we were both saying the same things that we always say and pointing out the same problems that we have always had. And when it happens, this is when I feel like my life hasn't progressed or moved forward at all, and I'm back where I started.

And it's no one's fault. I'm not blaming my wife or my relationship with her. It's my life that isn't living up to my expectations.

I base these expectations on the trends my life has been following and how good my life has been lately. So if I get hit with something from the past, it seems like a backward step to me. And although my initial reaction when I repeat these situations is that I'm back at the beginning where I started, what I really have to do is to look a little closer.

When a situation repeats, I expect it to go as horribly wrong as the last time, but each time it happens, I feel like I am being let off from how bad it was before. This can either be by the result being more positive, the situation being over more quickly, or me feeling less damaged from the experience. Also, when I look back over my life, it's clear that although these situations repeat, I have seen a steady improvement in each area of my life.

And it might be that the repetition punctuates the progress that I've made and gives me a chance to reflect on where I was and where I am now.

Why I Stopped Trying to Convince People

One thing I never do anymore is try to convince people that I'm right about something. In fact, I've spent the last few years not even telling people what I think about anything, really, or sharing anything about my life. Until now.

I just reached a point where I thought it wasn't worth it and there wasn't any point to it. And of course, this didn't lead to any close relationships because you have to share part of yourself with people to make friends, and I just wasn't willing to do that. As I was looking at and listening to the people around me, I often heard them sharing their opinions and ideas about things, but not really listening to each other and then going away with exactly the same ideas that they had at the start.

And I realized that that was okay. One person's ideas weren't necessarily better or worse than another person's, so it didn't really matter. One thing that did get under my skin, though, was when people argued strongly about something.

Of course, everyone thinks that they are right, but these arguments were caused by one or usually both of the people trying to push their ideas onto the other person and convince them that they were right. And it's that part that I always had a problem with. Trying to force someone to think like me is fundamentally wrong, and it never works.

And that's why I never shared any part of myself. I didn't care if the people around me knew what I thought, thought how I thought, or agreed with what I thought. And even when I didn't agree with what they were saying or how they thought, I would always just let it go.

I don't feel any need to try to change their opinion or make them see "the truth" according to me. But I want to make a distinction here. There are things in the world that most people would agree are wrong, but what I'm talking about are the less serious issues.

So with that in mind, it's okay to let things go; however, sometimes it is very difficult. Human nature kicks in, and I want to win. I want to be right.

I want to show the other person how wrong they are and how they should think like me. Then we can both be right. But I found that this isn't really necessary at all.

Doing that doesn't make MY life better. So if it's a work situation, then I'll let it go, I'll try it their way, even if I think it will fail. And once I've committed to it, I'll give it my all.

I'll give it a chance to succeed because I'm the one who's chosen it. So for a long time, I haven't argued with anybody. I call it "winning without winning." I get to keep thinking I'm right, and I don't have to convince anybody else of it.

But that doesn't mean that I don't tell people what I think about something. Sometimes, like in a work situation, it's necessary to have an opinion. But that's all it is.

I'm not about to go to war over it. And that doesn't mean I don't care about the outcome or that I don't want the best result; it's just that it might be possible that I don't know what the best outcome is.