Protecting Other People’s Freedom in Everyday Life

We all want to live our lives in the way that we feel is best for us. We want to do the things that we want to do and not do the things that we don't want to do. But, of course, there are always some constraints like work and other commitments.

So, we have to make compromises, and as we make these compromises more and more of our freedom to choose is taken away. But it's not our freedom that I'm concerned about here. I want to talk about how we can protect the personal freedom of other people—the people around us that we come into contact with.

In all of our dealings with people, either close to us or not, there is definitely a line we can cross. A line between what is best for us to do and what is not best for us to do. In situations where something is being decided, plans are being made, or we are just doing something with someone, we have the power to affect that person's life.

So, we should be conscious of how we are acting and how we are affecting them. One way that we take away people's freedom is when we subconsciously think that they think they don't know what to do in a certain situation. In our own lives, we always think that we know or can work out what to do, so there's no reason why we shouldn't think that other people think this about themselves too.

But when we don't, we start trying to think for the other person or think on their behalf, and this inevitably leads to telling them what they should do. And to us, it seems harmless. They should just do what we say.

It is the best way after all. Or they don't have to, it's up to them. They can make their own decisions.

But by telling them what we think they should do, we have already limited their freedom to choose because we have altered how they think. Another way to take away freedom that we need to be careful of is trying to control people. And we should be aware of when we are doing this.

By controlling people, I simply mean making people do things that we want them to do but that they would rather not do. And it could be anything, even the very smallest, most harmless thing. So when do we seek to control people?

Well, one of the times is when we are out with them and we are not having fun. In these cases, we will sometimes try to steer the situation into something we want to do. Or another time is when we want someone to do something that we think is important.

Of course, things that are important to us are not always important to other people. And we need to be the most careful when we are with the people closest to us because we often try to control the smaller details of how they live their lives. As I said earlier, these things can seem harmless or like very small things to be concerned about.

It's just the way that the world is and the way that people are. But the fact is that we don't like it when people infringe upon our freedom to be who we are and choose what we want to do. We don't like it when people push their agendas on us and force us into a situation.

And of course, we can say no or push back. We can react and refuse just like they can. But the truth is that usually we don't.

We don't want to make a big deal out of something small. So, we let it go. But we don't need to make other people feel like that.

We don't need to make them give up their own freedom just because of how we act.

Spotting Difficult People and Protecting Your Peace

Everybody is different, and it’s impossible to get along with everybody, but I want to. I don’t want to have bad feelings between me and anybody in my life. But sometimes I do upset people and although it’s not on purpose I can’t find any way to avoid it.

So instead I just don’t take it personally. Maybe a little pain is good for them. I also find in my life that different people play different roles.

And by that I mean that there are a set number of characters and different people have filled those same roles in different times of my life. I’ll give you an example. For me there’s always that one person who gives me what I categorize as “trouble”.

If this person is in the workplace then the trouble could be them criticizing me for how I’m doing my job, or it could be them saying something like I might need to work on my day off. And often to someone else this trouble doesn’t seem very bad at all, but to me, it feels like the worst thing ever. And as my life has changed of course so have the people, but sure enough I’ll be having trouble from one specific person again and again, and then I’ll realize that they are now filling that role.

But this is the important thing for me. Identifying them is one part of it but because I know who they are I can “expect” to have trouble from them at any time and I can be ready for it. I can also react differently to them because now their role in my life has been clearly identified.

One strategy I have is to not react to what they say. As in the example earlier they might be saying that I need to do work on my day off or that something is going to happen at work that wouldn’t be good for me. But in the end it turns out that I don’t need to work or that the work thing doesn’t happen.

I used to freak out and worry about what they had said, but now this has happened so many times over the years, with the person I’ve identified as the trouble-person, that I’ve learned to not react to what they say and just trust that it’s really not going to happen. Another trend in my life that I’ve noticed is that people are often rude to me or say insensitive things seemingly without even realizing it. Or people ignore me when I say something, and it’s as if I haven’t even said a word.

How I deal with this is to, you guessed it, not react. The best thing by far for me to do is to let it go immediately, or if what I’ve said has been ignored I don’t pursue it or try to say it again. I take it as being something that I need to hear about myself or something that I shouldn’t have said.

But I’ve gotten used to people acting very strangely around me and as I said before, I just have to not take it personally. Another thing that happens which I’m never sure is good or bad is that people often share their problems with me or personal things about themselves, whether I’m close with them or not. Of course, it’s great that they can confide in me, but I will rarely give them advice.

Giving advice is dangerous. How can I possibly know what the best course of action is?