Finding the Best Way Forward

If you observe very young children going through their day, it's easy to see that in every interaction they have, there is one thing on their minds: themselves. Everything revolves around them, and they haven't yet developed the ability to see things from another person's perspective. As adults, we like to believe that we are different.

We have empathy and consider others, offering help or making compromises. But are we genuinely thinking about others, or are we simply better at concealing our own agendas and manipulating situations to achieve the outcomes we truly desire? It doesn't really matter whether we can honestly assess our actions in each situation and determine how selfless they are.

Being selfless all the time is not the ultimate goal, just as constantly obtaining what we want is not the goal either. Ultimately, we want the best outcome to occur, which is challenging because we often fail to recognize what that truly is. However, in significant situations in our lives, it is better for us and everyone involved if we learn how to navigate them in order to achieve the best results.

So, how do we accomplish that? Well, every important situation is unique, and our actions will vary each time we encounter one. Therefore, the real answer lies not in what we should do, but rather in the way we need to be.

First and foremost, we must be aware of when an important situation is commencing. That means we need to recognize as quickly as possible that it has started. Once we find ourselves in the situation, there are several paths we can take, and we must be cognizant of the available options, acknowledging that we don't know which one is best yet.

It's important to remember that the best option might align with what we want to happen, or equally, with what we don't want to happen. We must be willing to accept outcomes that may not align with our immediate desires because they are in the best interest of the bigger picture. If other people are involved, we need to consider their perspectives and not dismiss anything prematurely.

Additionally, we need to recognize that one of the tools at our disposal is time. Sometimes, things need to be left and temporarily set aside. There may come a point where the way forward is unclear.

If possible, during such moments, rather than forcing a premature conclusion that could be incorrect, it is better to step away and revisit the situation later. So, how do we recognize the best course of action? Well, when we weigh the options, the best way forward is the one that leaves us with no doubt that it is indeed the best path.

By "knowing" the best way, I mean having a deep sense of certainty. Knowing is not the same as merely thinking. Knowing is a feeling.

We don't need to debate or convince ourselves of it, but we must be receptive to it. When we observe other people's lives, it is often easy to see what they should do in certain situations. It can be surprising when they choose differently.

However, we don't need to be like that. We don't have to choose the way we think is best for us. We can choose the way we know is the best because we understand that our decision is not driven by selfishness, but rather by good intentions.

See Your Experiences Differently and Grow on Purpose

When I'm in the shower or engaged in a task that doesn't demand my full concentration, I sometimes find myself dwelling on unpleasant events that occurred earlier in the day or week. Upon realizing this, I consciously choose to stop ruminating on those matters. They're already in the past, so there's no need to continue tormenting myself over them.

However, later on, I catch myself revisiting those thoughts, and I'm unsure how long I've been caught up in them. These thoughts become a recurring loop, and despite my best efforts, I can't prevent myself from falling back into that pattern. Another involuntary tendency of mine is to reflect on different periods from my past.

Occasionally, these memories are positive, but more often than not, they are less-than-pleasant experiences. They usually involve moments of embarrassment, stress, shock, or pain. Nevertheless, they hold significance in my life.

What unifies all these experiences is the presence of regret. They are situations that I regret, and while in some cases, I couldn't prevent them from occurring, I regret my actions or the choices I made within those circumstances. Reviewing these experiences is essentially a subtle way for me to replay events I have already lived through.

Repetition undeniably plays a crucial role in my life. Additionally, when I find myself trapped in this cycle of reflection, I'm able to perceive the experiences differently from how I initially saw them. Naturally, with age, I now have a broader perspective than I did ten or twenty years ago.

However, it's not just about that. Looking back, I see the situation for what it truly was and confront the unfiltered truth of my own role in it. This can be unsettling, but detached from the emotions associated with it, observing my actions objectively proves beneficial.

Another loop I find myself stuck in pertains to the future, rather than the past. These are thoughts tied to strong urges, scenarios where I envision myself saying or doing something specific to a particular person. These thoughts circulate repeatedly in my mind, and I remain trapped in the loop until I express those words or carry out the necessary action.