Why Regret Is One of Life’s Most Useful Signals

We all reminisce about the past and happily remember things that we've done. And some memories are from a long time ago, and some are more recent. But there is another process we go through which is a less pleasant experience.

Sometimes we remember more significant times in our lives, usually from our more distant pasts. These experiences were something embarrassing, stressful, shocking, or painful. They are times that we made mistakes.

And although in most cases we couldn't have stopped them from happening, we still feel that how we acted or the choices we made in those situations were wrong. And it is for this reason that they are important to us. Because the emotion that accompanies all of these memories is regret.

So why is regret important? First of all, I need to make it clear that regret is a good thing for us. So what does regret do for us?

Well, when we regret things that we've done, we also see what we did right and what we did wrong in a situation. And when we revisit these situations as we remember them, we strengthen what is right and what is wrong for us. This then becomes a powerful tool for us to use in the present, and it is especially useful when we are faced with challenging situations.

When we are in a challenging situation, we automatically use our tool of what is right and wrong, or in other words, what we should do and what we shouldn't do. And in this way, we are able to see more clearly the best course of action and be more confident that it is the right course of action for our lives. It's also important to note that we can regret the same memory many times and still get something from it because each time we relive it and judge ourselves, the way we know we should have acted becomes stronger.

There are also times when we replay very recent events in our lives. Things that have just happened. And of course, we do this a lot, but I'm referring to the things that keep replaying in our minds more than once.

These things are too fresh for us to regret yet. And so they affect us differently than those memories from long ago. It could be something that happened that day, but the fact that it keeps coming back to our minds over and over again tells us that it's important.

And these memories are important because they are showing us something. And it doesn't matter what the memory is, they are all showing us the same thing. Or , the same things.

These are all times when we did something important because in all of these cases we made a judgment about what was the right way and what was the wrong way. And hopefully, in those situations, we did make the right choice, and we haven't instead made a longer-lasting memory and one that is full of regret.

Why Life Keeps Changing and What It’s Doing to You

Some people are happy or satisfied with the way their lives are, but most of us aren't. We want change, and some of us would change a lot of things in our lives, while others would change only a few things. There are three ways our lives can change.

The first way is when something happens to us. This is when something or someone outside of our control changes something about our lives. Or maybe someone we're close to makes a change in their own life that affects us.

The second is something we plan for and try to change. This is the most dangerous type because when we bend our will to something and try to manipulate the situation too much, we might get what we want, but it could be the wrong thing for us. And the third way is when we make a change spontaneously without planning it, simply because we feel strongly that we should.

So what is the purpose of our lives changing? And what is really happening when our lives change? The answer to the first question is simple.

When we have a change in our lives, it changes who we are. A small change will change us a small amount, and a big change will change us a lot. But this change doesn't happen immediately.

Gradually, through living with these new circumstances, we change. And we usually can't see any difference until later when we look back at ourselves in the past. So the changes change who we are a little bit at a time.

But when it's said like this, it sounds like a change happens and then we shift like we're being blown in the wind. But it's the other way around. The purpose of our lives changing is to alter who we are.

So now we have to ask the question: Why do we need to change who we are? And the answer is that we benefit from it. We benefit from becoming different.

Because not only is who we've become slightly different, but it's also a little better than we were before. And this is not dependent on whether the change in our lives is positive or negative. We still benefit either way.

But why? Well, being different makes us feel different, and when we feel different, we act differently. This means that we will make different choices and different decisions.

But not only different, but better choices and better decisions. And the main reason for this is that when we change, we become stronger. Mentally and emotionally, we are more capable of dealing with situations.

And of course, this leads to feeling and being more confident. And when we are more confident going into something, we make better decisions and choices because we can think more clearly. This also leads us to not make the same mistakes we've made before and to not fall into the same traps as we have done previously.

So our lives change and we change, and this pattern repeats again and again until we are very different from the people we were at the beginning. But not only that, these changes are making us stronger for the next thing and the next thing, so that we are always able to deal with what is coming up. And in this way, we can trust that the future is something we are ready for.

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The Cycles That Shape Us: Why Tough Times Don’t Last Forever

Life is tough. Even for those of us whose lives are fairly comfortable, it can still feel like a grind to get through the day. And for many of us, those feelings can be magnified so much that life becomes unbearably difficult to deal with.

And to make things worse, the people on the outside looking in don't have any idea how difficult our lives are. Usually because we hide it and don't share it with anyone. So let's look at what makes it difficult.

First of all, there are periods when our lives are harder because of things we have to do or because people are making demands of us. But this is not constant. These are finite lengths of time which could last for days or even weeks.

And the backdrop to this may be that our lives are not in a good place, but these times, when they start, are extra difficult and then they finish. But we need to look at why we have these things in our lives? Obviously, as with all of our experiences, these things influence and challenge us, but we need to look deeper into how they affect us.

First of all, when we are in the middle of these experiences, we use something that's not good and that makes it difficult for us to get through these tough times. It's a habit our brains have when dealing with stress, and that is very simply that we don't fully accept what is happening to us. And when we try to mentally hide from what is happening, it makes things more difficult to get through.

Unfortunately, we can't really choose how our brains react, and in fact, we don't need to. But it's important to know what's going on inside us. But the main way these things affect us is that they slightly change who we are so that the next time it happens, we will react differently.

The second thing that makes our lives tough is the little health issues that plague us. I'm talking about things like headaches, pains, and other minor conditions. When we have them, these health issues make every part of our day difficult to perform.

But to find out what they do for us, we need to look at when they happen. Usually, when we have already been experiencing a tough period in our lives, these pains begin and of course, they make everything else seem even worse than it really is. But when the pain is over, we feel different.

How we feel about everything has changed. And more than that, a new period has started and the mood has altered. After a difficult time, we should notice these changes.

Nothing has really changed on the outside, but on the inside, we are slightly different. But of course, after some time has passed, we start the process again. Another tough time starts, and we repeat the pattern.

Our lives are not just long timelines; they are pieces of time with beginnings and ends.

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From time to time, I share reflections related to Enhanced Sense Living.

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You can leave your email at the bottom of the Start Here page if you would like to be informed when something new appears.

Choosing Your Next Direction with Clarity

I'm always waiting for my life to improve, and I don't mean that I'm just doing nothing. There's a time for doing things and a time for doing nothing except waiting. But when I see the signs, I am immediately ready to jump into action and do everything that I need to do.

But between those times are the moments when I just have to wait. During these times, it's important for me to be very, very patient because I can spend a long time in the waiting room. Overall, in the last ten years, my life has steadily improved, and I can see that by comparing my situations then and now.

I always divide my life into three parts: my family, my job, and everything else. Each part follows different rules and behaves differently. When there is a change in my life, it only happens in one area at a time.

All the areas can't change simultaneously. I need to assess what is possible and what isn't possible to determine the state of that particular part of my life. And there are things that I wish, and have wished, I could do, like taking my kids to the beach.

But there was a time when I couldn't do that, and I just had to accept that the "Family" part of my life wasn't at the level where I could do that yet. I'm even talking about the very small things in my life. There was a time when I couldn't have a certain food that I wanted, and then a change happened, and I could get it.

If someone looked from the outside, it would seem like such a small thing, but to me, it was important, and I had to be patient while I couldn't have it. When I finally got it, I could see that that part of my life had changed and improved. These small signs are important to me because if I'm hoping for something bigger, I can think that if I can't have this little thing, then it's definitely not the right time to have this bigger thing yet.

Then there are times when everything seems to be going well, but suddenly it feels like someone has pressed the reset button on my life. Something disappointing happens, and I feel like all the progress I've made has been erased. I feel let down by my life, and I wonder if my life has really changed.

Disappointment is a very strong feeling that repeats in my life. Even when I think I've moved away from the point where I could feel so low, something happens and I get dragged back into it. During these times, I feel betrayed.

My life was going so well, and everything was falling into place. I believed that good things could happen for me, and that I could make that final change in my life that would prevent it from going back to the way it was before. On many occasions, I have been so close to that point, but just before the big change, something happens, and the whole process unravels, leaving me back where I started.

This is accompanied by that familiar sickening feeling in my stomach and the crushing disappointment of another missed opportunity. Looking back at those times, I can see that those opportunities weren't right for me. If I had looked more closely, I could have seen that there was always something about them that wasn't right.

But each opportunity represented a different direction my life could have taken, and now it seems more like a list that I was exploring and crossing off as I went until I finally found the right thing for me.

See Your Experiences Differently and Grow on Purpose

When I'm in the shower or engaged in a task that doesn't demand my full concentration, I sometimes find myself dwelling on unpleasant events that occurred earlier in the day or week. Upon realizing this, I consciously choose to stop ruminating on those matters. They're already in the past, so there's no need to continue tormenting myself over them.

However, later on, I catch myself revisiting those thoughts, and I'm unsure how long I've been caught up in them. These thoughts become a recurring loop, and despite my best efforts, I can't prevent myself from falling back into that pattern. Another involuntary tendency of mine is to reflect on different periods from my past.

Occasionally, these memories are positive, but more often than not, they are less-than-pleasant experiences. They usually involve moments of embarrassment, stress, shock, or pain. Nevertheless, they hold significance in my life.

What unifies all these experiences is the presence of regret. They are situations that I regret, and while in some cases, I couldn't prevent them from occurring, I regret my actions or the choices I made within those circumstances. Reviewing these experiences is essentially a subtle way for me to replay events I have already lived through.

Repetition undeniably plays a crucial role in my life. Additionally, when I find myself trapped in this cycle of reflection, I'm able to perceive the experiences differently from how I initially saw them. Naturally, with age, I now have a broader perspective than I did ten or twenty years ago.

However, it's not just about that. Looking back, I see the situation for what it truly was and confront the unfiltered truth of my own role in it. This can be unsettling, but detached from the emotions associated with it, observing my actions objectively proves beneficial.

Another loop I find myself stuck in pertains to the future, rather than the past. These are thoughts tied to strong urges, scenarios where I envision myself saying or doing something specific to a particular person. These thoughts circulate repeatedly in my mind, and I remain trapped in the loop until I express those words or carry out the necessary action.

Reading the Quiet Moments Between Life’s Changes

Life changes from time to time, but in between these changes are long periods where things stay the same. And if you're not happy with your life or how things are going, then these periods can seem like forever. I always thought of time as not being my friend at all.

I was always racing against it, losing it, or wasting it. And there was never enough of it. But in the last ten years, I've learned to work with it more.

I still often don't feel like I've got enough time to do everything, but I'm managing it better now. In the last ten years, my life, for the most part, has been changing in a good way, and there have been some, what I would call landmark changes, mixed in with other smaller changes. But first, I want to talk about the times in between.

Because the spaces in between the changes are important to me for a couple of reasons. First of all, this time helps me get used to the changes that have happened. Although it's very difficult for me to be patient in this part of the process.

As soon as I have change for the better in one area of my life, I instantly want change in the other areas too. But that's not how change works for me. So even though I think I'm ready for more change, I've found that I do need time to settle into it and get comfortable with it.

And this could take months and, for some things, even years. This "waiting" period also helps me get ready for the next change. Some change needs to be prepared for.

So now I need to talk about the changes. There are different kinds of changes that happen in my life, and they can be put into three categories. The first and easiest kind is an opportunity for change that comes to me out of the blue, without me doing anything.

This happened to me quite a few years ago. I was in a job that I didn't like that wasn't going anywhere, and suddenly I got a call offering me a better job. I didn't even have to think about it, I just knew it was the right thing to go for.

The second type of change is change that I have planned for. But of course, you never really know if something is going to happen until you do it. My wife and I wanted to move house, but we weren't really sure if we would be able to afford it.

And there were a few moments when we thought it wasn't going to happen. But we reached a point in our preparations and decided to go for it, and we were successful. The third change is something that is not planned and just starts spontaneously, just like this YouTube channel.

I haven't had the time or the motivation to do anything new for a long time. But the idea hit me one day, and I really felt like it would be a good thing for me to do. Starting something by myself and taking the initiative to do it in order to bring about change in my life had to feel right.

If change is forced too much by my own will and desire, then it never works for me. These three kinds of change have two things in common. First of all, there is an element of risk.

They involve me taking a chance. And secondly, they involve me needing to trust that things will work out for the best.